Tomorrow Tom is due in the hospital for 7:30am. That means that I'm sure neither one of us will sleep tonight due to anticipation, but I suppose that means I might get the house unpacked! (slight humor). Tom is very anxious about what's to come.
Up until this point, he has done an amazing job at not inquiring about any statistics related to his situation. Tuesday he had to do his "consent signing" which meant that he absolutely had to hear the "facts" as it were, because he had to sign and say that he knew the risks involved etc. This was a rather large shocker for my poor husband who spent the following day rather anxious and upset at the rather frightening risks.
Truth be told, even though I'd previously read the risks and statistics before, it was a bit of a shocker for me to hear it from the doctor's mouth as well. Even though he made it rather clear that he is confident in Tom's outcome being positive, he was also clear that you just can't always be certain. Yesterday was one of the hardest days we've had. My poor husband burying his head while he cried in fear of the fact that this could be it and me being completely and utterly useless and unable to reassure him... as how can I promise that things will be okay?
I instead took the route of putting faith in the doctor. I asked him if he trusts the doctor and said we need to trust that he's going to see Tom through this and he would have told us if he thought there to be any reason why Tom should be worried other than "off chances". It weighs heavy on my heart, his fear. There's nothing I can do to make it ease and I just think about how I would feel in his positon and I don't even know if there is a word that could even convey how that would feel.
I can only hope and pray and put this in God's hands and hope that he provides the wisdom and knowledge that is necessary to the doctor to see my husband through this. The most frightening thing I think was that it doesn't just end a week after transplant, he's at risk for very serious things for quite a long time! We're talking over a year! If it isn't risk of the stem cells not grafting, it's graft vs. host disease (GVHD), if it isn't acute GVHD it's Chronic GVHD, if it isn't GVHD at all it's the possibility of relapse, it's the possibility of a reaction to the new cells, it's the possibility of fevers striking when his counts are low and his marrow is wiped out, it's serious 100 different things that aren't only weighing on my mind, but on Tom's and I'm sure they're a million times more heavy for him.
I must go pack his bag for the stay, so I better get off of here and thinking more positively. Any prayers for Tom would be sincerely appreciated.
