So we're back at home now, which is such a relief. The back and forth is tiring and I feel awful for poor Izzy being alone all week. There is such an immediate difference in Tom when he leaves the hospital! He even drove home yesterday! I'll admit, I was a bit skeptical, but he assured me it was okay.
It's nice to wake up and not be rushing to get somewhere or worrying about getting something done. Every day this week I had an appointment to be somewhere, so I am current still in bed, sipping my coffee, blogging, and it's 9:30.
Niners are playing today and I think that may be the only "plan" on the table. Tom is never able to sleep first few nights home (probably due to the constant interruptions at the hospital nightly), so I think it'll be a slow going day.
Days like this are the best. Dr. Carroll also seems to think that this will hopefully be Tom's last maintenance chemo so hopefully he'll have a somewhat larger break this time before going in for transplant. :)
Tom's birthday is in just two days! What to do?
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
In The Clear For Me... Murky Waters For The Main Man
So my scan had the best possible outcome- The mystery mass disappeared! They had two people ultrasound me just to make sure and it was all good. Apparently it left as quickly as it'd arrived. A giant sigh of relief. I must say though, I was rather calm for me... I calmly sat in the waiting room of women only (awaiting their mammograms I assume based on chatter and their entry into door 1 instead of door 2, I enjoyed two shortbread cookies from the elegant cookie display, looked at a magazine for home DIY projects that I'll never do but think I will; Yes, I did well. I did eat an entire pint of ice cream to myself last night... But apart from the initial scare and shock of "what-if" on Tuesday, I was rather cool about it. Well done me.
Tomorrow I have my pre-op appointment for next Thursday's carpel tunnel surgery and then I will have completed a medical visit for every day m-f this week! That's me done. Thing's are looking up! Perhaps I can move past my doom and gloom that I've been in the last couple of weeks. I now look forward to foster-adoption someday and have again come back to surrendering myself to divine plans rather than my own (which is sometimes so darn hard!).
Tom on the other hand, is at his sorrowful stage. Today he said he wished he lived closer to family and his brothers (which I wish we weren't so isolated as well), then he said he "wants his mummy and daddy" and said he doesn't think people know how hard it is. To which I said, of course they know how hard it is, but he has me here and they have other very important things to tend to and it's just how it is, but by no means does absence equal minimization of his situation. He then acknowledged that he knows that, but I know he wants to be closer and feel more tended to. Poor guy. He asked what happens if a match isn't found and he said I can't contest with it not being possible and then (probably the worst bit of today) he said "of he doesn't have long he wants to spend it with his family." Again, he said I can't contest because I can't say for certain... What does a person do with that?
It also doesn't help that he said those latter things after I returned from the caregiver's support group where two of the patient's were on a second and third transplant. BUT they were not leukemia patients and the previous transplants were autologous (from themselves) and were both doing allogeneic (donor) ones this time. So it doesn't really apply to Tom, but it does make me wonder how often leukemia patients have to transplant more than once. But I'm not goin to dwell, I'm goin to keep things positive because I can't worry about the unknown... Now how to convince my husband to do the same.
Tomorrow I have my pre-op appointment for next Thursday's carpel tunnel surgery and then I will have completed a medical visit for every day m-f this week! That's me done. Thing's are looking up! Perhaps I can move past my doom and gloom that I've been in the last couple of weeks. I now look forward to foster-adoption someday and have again come back to surrendering myself to divine plans rather than my own (which is sometimes so darn hard!).
Tom on the other hand, is at his sorrowful stage. Today he said he wished he lived closer to family and his brothers (which I wish we weren't so isolated as well), then he said he "wants his mummy and daddy" and said he doesn't think people know how hard it is. To which I said, of course they know how hard it is, but he has me here and they have other very important things to tend to and it's just how it is, but by no means does absence equal minimization of his situation. He then acknowledged that he knows that, but I know he wants to be closer and feel more tended to. Poor guy. He asked what happens if a match isn't found and he said I can't contest with it not being possible and then (probably the worst bit of today) he said "of he doesn't have long he wants to spend it with his family." Again, he said I can't contest because I can't say for certain... What does a person do with that?
It also doesn't help that he said those latter things after I returned from the caregiver's support group where two of the patient's were on a second and third transplant. BUT they were not leukemia patients and the previous transplants were autologous (from themselves) and were both doing allogeneic (donor) ones this time. So it doesn't really apply to Tom, but it does make me wonder how often leukemia patients have to transplant more than once. But I'm not goin to dwell, I'm goin to keep things positive because I can't worry about the unknown... Now how to convince my husband to do the same.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
A Bit of a Scare Myself
I'd like to start by saying I have been very dilligent about doing my yearly exams and last year I had a false positive read, but if that wasn't the worst day of my life leading up to that point, not sure what was. It was the most liberating feeling to be told after further tests and frequent ones, that I was good. Then of course Tom was diagnosed and that became the worst day of my life.
Anyway, as if we don't have our fair share of cruddiness at the moment (if only it worked that way, right? "Oh, you've definitely reached your limit... let's just pass the house burning down over to the next person."). The other night I noticed a "lump" on the side of my breast (may be "tmi" for some, but this is what happened)... I may have even thought I'd noticed it before during a "shower check" but dismissed it to paranoia. Well it was a little more obvious this time... and then I sought out a second opinion from Tom to see if I may have been over reacting. The look on his face required no verbal verification, but of course he verified with, "See the doctor tomorrow!"
So I did. And it wasn't paranoia, there's definitely a mass of some sort. Estimated at approximately 1/2 cm, presumed to (hopefully) be a cyst. Tomorrow morning I have an ultrasound on it to see what it is (apparently even at the finding of a mass, due to my age no mammogram is necessary). If it is a cyst, it will be dealt with then and there. If it is something more serious, nothing happens tomorrow, I follow up with the doctor again and we go for further tests. While she seems highly convinced it's a cyst... I'm still rather frightened about the other possibilities. So here's to hoping that tomorrow I have to get a needle in the breast to remove a cyst. The things that you cross your fingers for with age.
This year is not starting out as well as I'd hoped it would. Tom reassures me that we'd have to be the most unlucky pair in the world if we both have cancer...again, if only things could be so certain based on equal distribution eh? Communism of luck haha! Then again, it wouldn't be "luck" if so expected/divided... Now I'm putting way too nuch thought into the philosophy of luck. Happy Wednesday! Cross your fingers for me! Channel that "good luck"!!!
Anyway, as if we don't have our fair share of cruddiness at the moment (if only it worked that way, right? "Oh, you've definitely reached your limit... let's just pass the house burning down over to the next person."). The other night I noticed a "lump" on the side of my breast (may be "tmi" for some, but this is what happened)... I may have even thought I'd noticed it before during a "shower check" but dismissed it to paranoia. Well it was a little more obvious this time... and then I sought out a second opinion from Tom to see if I may have been over reacting. The look on his face required no verbal verification, but of course he verified with, "See the doctor tomorrow!"
So I did. And it wasn't paranoia, there's definitely a mass of some sort. Estimated at approximately 1/2 cm, presumed to (hopefully) be a cyst. Tomorrow morning I have an ultrasound on it to see what it is (apparently even at the finding of a mass, due to my age no mammogram is necessary). If it is a cyst, it will be dealt with then and there. If it is something more serious, nothing happens tomorrow, I follow up with the doctor again and we go for further tests. While she seems highly convinced it's a cyst... I'm still rather frightened about the other possibilities. So here's to hoping that tomorrow I have to get a needle in the breast to remove a cyst. The things that you cross your fingers for with age.
This year is not starting out as well as I'd hoped it would. Tom reassures me that we'd have to be the most unlucky pair in the world if we both have cancer...again, if only things could be so certain based on equal distribution eh? Communism of luck haha! Then again, it wouldn't be "luck" if so expected/divided... Now I'm putting way too nuch thought into the philosophy of luck. Happy Wednesday! Cross your fingers for me! Channel that "good luck"!!!
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