Our Justified Sense of Denial

When he's at home and feeling good, it's so easy to forget that he has this very serious disease.  Obviously, things are very real and serious when he's hospitalized, but when he's home and feeling good, it really is easy to sometimes forget. Maybe the more correct word is ignore. We've both said it and maybe that's what makes it so easy, is that we both get into this easy going routine of normality, especially when we have a few days off from doctor visits.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, it isn't really denial is it? I know that he has leukemia, I know that he has to get a bone marrow transplant, and I know that he is still susceptible to terrible infections and that he will have some rough patches ahead; BUT when he's home and feeling good, I think it's important that we both get a break from the stressful moments of reality and we both get a chance to feel happy and unburdened temporarily. Yeah, that's my justification.  We shouldn't have to be constantly reminded of what a crap situation this is... Because it isn't all terrible.

For one, we are so lucky that I am able to have this time off and when he's feeling good, God is it wonderful to spend time with my husband. Likewise, when he feels his worst, it's so wonderful that I can be there for him... Even if there isn't much I can do, at least I'm not at work somewhere worrying and feeling completely worthless.


In other news, brother two was finally able to get his typing test done to see if he's a marrow match.  Today Tom is having a bond marrow biopsy to see if he's in remission or not, so fingers and toes crossed.  God we really need this to come back with him in remission, quite seriously.

Anyhow, that's all she wrote.

Happy to be home

Friday Tom was allowed home, just a day off of his predicted "home for Thanksgiving".  So, he shocked the staff, as they'd predicted another week, but truth be told... he isn't feeling to cracking.  We think this chemo has really drained him, then again, being in a hospital for two and a half weeks without being able to do much  isn't going to make him able to jump into regular activity at home.  That aside, its still incredibly nice to just be home and in our own comfort zone. Not to mention our dog is thrilled to have us back!

Construction.  That's what's happening right now.  Our property management is fixing the disintegrating patios on our apartments and currently I can't even hear myself think with them demolishing the outside of my apartment. What's worse, is having a husband who doesn't feel good and at 8am having them outside our bedroom door banging on the wall and shouting at each other... though I, too, would have liked to have remained in bed... without someone able to peer through my blinds. 

On to business, brother 1 wasn't a marrow match, brother 2 is to do his test tomorrow. We haven't heard yet when Tom is supposed to have his marrow biopsy to see whether he is in remission or not.  Just been emailed by the marrow transplant coordinator and they are starting a preliminary search via the registry as well.  So, at least things are starting to move a bit. :)

Side note, the construction outside just hit the wall hard enough to unplug the computer.  Hooray, hopefully this is not what we have to look forward to every day for too long.  Can't even open the blinds, because my dog is not a fan of the action outside.

On a brighter note, literally, we got a Christmas tree! Our first Christmas tree, ever! Tom's been telling me how much he loves Christmas and said he keeps dreaming (which is something he never does, unless drug induced) about being a child and waiting up to sneak a peak of his dad putting the presents under the tree during the night. So cute! Originally, we weren't going to get a tree, because we aren't supposed to have live plants during imuno-compromised times, due to the bacteria they can carry.  But we thought it'd really lift the spirits of everyone and make the holidays as closed to "normal" as possible.

I think it came out looking pretty good.  

The Good and Bad News... Mostly Good.

It's November 23rd, a day after Thanksgiving and I have everything to be thankful for.  Tom was admitted under the understanding that he would probably be in here for three to five weeks!!!! He has been in for only 2 1/2 weeks!!! He seems to constantly defy expectations on length of stay, in a good way. 

My family came down to visit and my mother made a super delicious Thanksgiving meal (as always) and my dad made his fantastic apple pie! We had dinner at our house and then made a plate for Tom and brought the apple pie to visit at the hospital.  He actually ate about half of it, which was amazing compared to his appetite the rest of the week!

So relieved to have him coming home.  One, everything is better at home. Two, it will be nice to be to sleep in my own bed and have our dog to cuddle with. 

Brother number one was deemed not a marrow match.  That was quite the downer, however they reassure us that if brother two is also not a match, the registry should be no problem. Reassurance or not, it was still a super blow to the ego and we were a bit down about it yesterday.

Really thankful for all of the help we've had with Izzy these last couple of weeks so that I could spend my time at the hospital with Tom, instead of driving back and forth.
Best get packing, as we packed for 3-5 weeks and the trips to the car to load up our stuff is about to really suck. BUT if it means he's coming home, I will happily make 20 trips to the car!