The Final Countdown

So here we are, finally with the transplant nearing!!!  There were moments where I felt we'd never get there and moments where I feared they might not find anyone, but here we are!!  Originally we were told dates that are mostly at the end of March, but yesterday we were told that Dr. Carroll is pushing to move the date up for fear of Tom's fragile remission status. So, we've begun all of the testing/screening he must complete and we could possibly be going in the first week of March!  It all depends on the donor, but it's mind boggling how quickly this ball began rolling once it did.

I keep hoping and praying that his works.  My largest fear is that something doesn't go right or that everything does, but he relapses down the road.  It's one of those things that you start thinking about and then you sort of mentally scold yourself for fear that thinking it might generate it's actual happening. In any case, hoping and praying.

I do fully look forward to the possibility of us getting our lives back and continuing on.  They made it rather clear to us though that it takes awhile and coming home from the hospital won't be an easy/fast transition back into life previously.  I'll continue to hope it is though.

Other perils:  Our first oncologist had projected Tom to be done with treatment and back to work for February, so all of our original paperwork states this and thus, state disability sent us a letter saying that means we won't be getting paid.  Of course it's an easy fix, our current doctor just needs to fill out the form stating he is still "disabled" and unable to work, but I have a feeling they may take awhile to pay us... so thankfully we've already done our taxes because we may have no income this month.  Fantastic.

In any case, that runs out in August anyway, at which point we must hope Tom is okay to at least stay home alone because I'll have to go out and win the bread. Yippee!  Well, anyhow. Super excited that we're on the right track and in the near future my husband's life will be restored!!! :) Let's go 2013!!!

Brighter Days

So we're back at home now, which is such a relief. The back and forth is tiring and I feel awful for poor Izzy being alone all week.  There is such an immediate difference in Tom when he leaves the hospital!  He even drove home yesterday! I'll admit, I was a bit skeptical, but he assured me it was okay.

It's nice to wake up and not be rushing to get somewhere or worrying about getting something done.  Every day this week I had an appointment to be somewhere, so I am current still in bed, sipping my coffee, blogging, and it's 9:30.

Niners are playing today and I think that may be the only "plan" on the table.  Tom is never able to sleep first few nights home (probably due to the constant interruptions at the hospital nightly), so I think it'll be a slow going day.

Days like this are the best. Dr. Carroll also seems to think that this will hopefully be Tom's last maintenance chemo so hopefully he'll have a somewhat larger break this time before going in for transplant. :)

Tom's birthday is in just two days! What to do?

In The Clear For Me... Murky Waters For The Main Man

So my scan had the best possible outcome- The mystery mass disappeared! They had two people ultrasound me just to make sure and it was all good.  Apparently it left as quickly as it'd arrived.  A giant sigh of relief.  I must say though, I was rather calm for me... I calmly sat in the waiting room of women only (awaiting their mammograms I assume based on chatter and their entry into door 1 instead of door 2, I enjoyed two shortbread cookies from the elegant cookie display, looked at a magazine for home DIY projects that I'll never do but think I will; Yes, I did well.  I did eat an entire pint of ice cream to myself last night... But apart from the initial scare and shock of "what-if" on Tuesday, I was rather cool about it. Well done me.

Tomorrow I have my pre-op appointment for next Thursday's carpel tunnel surgery and then I will have completed a medical visit for every day m-f this week! That's me done. Thing's are looking up! Perhaps I can move past my doom and gloom that I've been in the last couple of weeks. I now look forward to foster-adoption someday and have again come back to surrendering myself to divine plans rather than my own (which is sometimes so darn hard!).

Tom on the other hand, is at his sorrowful stage. Today he said he wished he lived closer to family and his brothers (which I wish we weren't so isolated as well), then he said he "wants his mummy and daddy" and said he doesn't think people know how hard it is.  To which I said, of course they know how hard it is, but he has me here and they have other very important things to tend to and it's just how it is, but by no means does absence equal minimization of his situation.  He then acknowledged that he knows that, but I know he wants to be closer and feel more tended to. Poor guy.  He asked what happens if a match isn't found and he said I can't contest with it not being possible and then (probably the worst bit of today) he said "of he doesn't have long he wants to spend it with his family." Again, he said I can't contest because I can't say for certain... What does a person do with that?

It also doesn't help that he said those latter things after I returned from the caregiver's support group where two of the patient's were on a second and third transplant. BUT they were not leukemia patients and the previous transplants were autologous (from themselves) and were both doing allogeneic (donor) ones this time. So it doesn't really apply to Tom, but it does make me wonder how often leukemia patients have to transplant more than once.  But I'm not goin to dwell, I'm goin to keep things positive because I can't worry about the unknown... Now how to convince my husband to do the same.