The title of this one sort of says it all. This has been a rocky ride. There are moments where I seek solace and find myself just on my own crying or in a complete state of nothing (literally thoughtless and nearly emotionless... just sat there). I get things done because I have to and because I love my husband, not because I'm superwoman. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I just shut down or worse I break down... But these are nearly always in private.
That said, Monday both Toms mom and the oncology social worker were telling me what a great person I am and the social worker said she uses me as an example to others because I was in cooking and whatnot in the bone marrow transplant unit. Truth is, I laugh and smile when I'm uncomfortable or uneasy about something to keep me from crying. I know this probably sounds so vain but the point is the opposite. I don't think I deserve the commencement that I've been receiving.
Afterall, through sickness and health right? Though technically that wasn't in our vows I don't think lol. I guess the point is that I don't feel commencement is in order for just doing what's expected of me in such a time, it shouldn't be a "good job" that I've stuck by Tom and whatnot..what's the alternative, really?!? It's not as if I ever could or would say, "Forget this, this is not what I signed up for!!!". This is just simply what I'm meant to be doing, the task at hand if you will. I'm a Mahutga (maiden name) and we're known for being good at tackling such things head on and letting the world know we're here and mean business. Have my mother to thank for modeling that one my whole life.
In conclusion, the title says it all. I'm just plugging away at what needs to be done, having my breakdowns on my own time. Definitely no superwoman, in fact, very human. Full of faults and just trying my damnest to get one thing right in life and hope it's this.
I don't think it's either of the options in your title. I think it's that so many people would just abandon hope (and possibly their husband) in a situation such as yours. So what we think of as "normal behavior" has become "exceptional behavior". I've felt this way a lot recently with work, and I think it's applicable for your situation too.
ReplyDeleteI've learned that you need to just accept the compliment as encouragement to keep you going through the hard times. You deserve it - you are amazing! Even if you don't see the "alternative" as a reasonable option.